By Imam Abdullah El-Amin, TMO
â€œO You who believe. Why do you say that which you do not do? Truly hateful is it in the Sight of ALLAH that you say that which you do not do.â€ HQ 61:2-3
I get lots of calls and requests from women to talk to their spouses about various forms of what they deem as ill-treatment. The complaints range from issues of mental and physical abuse, non-support, and lack of affection, to name a few. I promise to contact the husbands, and most times I do. I contact them even though I know they donâ€™t want to hear what I have to say if it is contradictory to their way of thinking. And most of them already know how I think anyway and donâ€™t respect my views on applying the Qurâ€™anic dictates as I interpret them. If they did, they wouldnâ€™t be applying these abusive tactics.
Sometimes it is a lack of knowledge of what ALLAH says about different situations, in the Qur`an, that makes the abused accept the abuse. There are many households with men and women with problems, but only One Creator who sent one Qur`an with divine instruction to solve them. There is only one source of help for any human being and that is the One and Only Creator. You should first look in the Qur`an for guidance. Before you just listen to the â€œDawahâ€ given to you by your husband, you should read what ALLAH says about these situations.
Most Qur`ans have an index or glossary in them where you can look up most subjects yourself. If your husband tells you women have to do this or that, look it up in Qurâ€™an and see what ALLAH says about it.
Iâ€™ve had numerous women tell me they learned the religion from their husbands. They have done very little studying on their own, including the most basic of books, the Qur`an. They also are hesitant to question their husbands even though they feel in their hearts that the treatment is not Islamic. What they should ask themselves is, with their concept of a good, merciful Creator, do you think He would allow you to be disrespected and abused simply because you are a woman? In your heart and human soul you know that is not the case.
We have issued a ruling (Fatwa) from our masjid that it is unlawful for a man to strike his wife (no matter how lightly) because our human example, Muhammad, (s) is never reported to have struck any of his wives. And then, who is to decide what â€œstrike her lightlyâ€ means? â€œLightlyâ€ means different things to different men.
Another problem is when a spouse allows their husband or wife to live a different life than what they preach. Husbands will quote the Prophet (s) and how he lived and treated women and people in general, but wonâ€™t follow suit. As ALLAH says in the above ayah, that is hateful in His sight.
Children, especially the younger ones, are so natural we can learn a great deal from them if we listen. My grandson was watching me lubricate my feet with some bag balm. He asked me, â€œPop Pop what is that?â€ I said its bag balm. â€œWhat is it forâ€, he asked? I said itâ€™s to make your skin soft and supple. He said, â€œWhatâ€™s supple? I said it makes your skin smooth and nice. He then turned his head to the side and asked, â€Then why doesnâ€™t yours look like that?â€
That was a very intelligent question. He wanted to know why, if I say it does all this, and Iâ€™m using it, why it is not working on me.
Similarly, people should ask their spouses why their praying 5 times a day, quoting the scripture and hadith of the religion, and talking about what a good man Prophet Muhammad (s) was - â€œWhy donâ€™t you act like that with me?â€ Thatâ€™s the question they should be asking.
ALLAH says the foundation of the Qur`an is plain and simple teachings. If you start off following that, YOUR DESTINY IS Peace, Prosperity, Happiness, and Contentment. So says the Lord.