Muslimah (V9-I33)

Questions and answers:

Question:

assalamualikum.. i’m so grateful knowing that there’s someone to help and guide people who really want to know islam.i am a muslim girl since i was being born.i’m so confused as i getting to my teenage level,that i had finally fall in love with a boy.my problem is i kept thinking about him.i dont even want to but the feeling is there.sometimes i feel like the feeling is genuine..but for the reality i am not sure..and sometimes i always cry because i feel like i dont want to display my love for him,but i want to display all my love totally to allah,the most caring..at the time he knows that i adore him,the situation is getting complicated when at the same time,i discover that he had adore my sister..and now i feel like i make a big mistake and i dont know how to settle my problem and at the same time make my heart for not attract to him anymore..i felt so lonely and sad.. please help me and comfort me with your useful words..i really need it.

Answer:

Asalaam u alaikum

Dear sister thank you for writing and for putting your trust in us to help you with your troubles. You mention that you are in your teenage years, no doubt that this is a very sensitive period in ones life. New changes are occurring in your body, in your emotions as well as in you in thinking. This all is natural and is a part of life. This is often a time when teenagers question their own self wirth, a time where their self confidence, and self esteem go down, and often they look outward to others like someone of the opposite sex to put their focus on, to try to get some attention from them to make them feel good. What you need to do is step back and think who you are. Check yourself for what are your beliefs as a Muslim. Ask yourself “Who am I?’ and “What kind of Muslim am I?” and “what kind of woman do I want to be?”

“Do not wish to be like anybody except in two cases; the case of a man whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it in the right way, and that of a man whom Allah has given religious wisdom (the Qur’an and Sunnah) and he gives his verdicts according to it and teaches it. (to others, i.e., religious knowledge of Qur’an and Sunnah)” (Al-Bukhari 9:92 #419).

This is a time for you to focus on your studies and to enjoy the last part of childhood, because although this is a difficult period, it can be one of the most enjoyable and joyous times in ones life. Get a good education both Islamic and some other good profession, it will be a great value to you in your future. Surround yourself with good Muslim friends and engage in good activities.

005.055. Your (real) friends are (no less than) God, His Apostle, and the (fellowship of) believers,- those who establish regular prayers and regular charity, and they bow down humbly (in worship).

You do not mention anything about your parents or family, but although in this age parents tend to seem foreign, you need to make a bond they have a lifetimes wirht of experience and wisdom which you can learn from, and spend good time with your family.

The deed which can draw you near to Paradise and take you away from Hell is, that you worship Allah and associate none with Him, and you establish prayer and pay zakat, and do good to your kin. After having uttered these words, the Prophet asked the Bedouin to release the nose string of his she-camel. (Muslim 1:0011)

You do not need to worry about boys or any particular boy right now, because your feelings are new to you and they can betray you and lead you towards a path you do not want to go. Above all you need to learn much more about your deen. You are a young woman, learn about your rights and your duties. Soon you will be contemplating marriage. It is important to learn about the rights you have and the duties you have so that you can move into that stage of life with knowledge and being prepared rather than you all of sudden finding yourself in a position which you wished you had known more about and had been more prepared on how to handle.

Narrated Abu Musa: The Prophet said, “The example of guidance and knowledge with which Allah has sent me is like abundant rain falling on the earth, some of which was fertile soil that absorbed rain water and brought forth vegetation and grass in abundance. (And) another portion of it was hard and held the rain water and Allah benefited the people with it and they utilized it for drinking, making their animals drink from it and for irrigation of the land for cultivation. (And) a portion of it was barren which could neither hold the water nor bring forth vegetation (then that land gave no benefits). The first is the example of the person who comprehends Allah’s religion and gets benefit (from the knowledge) which Allah has revealed through me (the Prophets and learns and then teaches others. The last example is that of a person who does not care for it and does not take Allah’s guidance revealed through me (He is like that barren land.)” (Book #3, Hadith #79)

You also mention that you feel to direct your love towards Allah. This is the most important thing in one’s life. You need to focus much more on this aspect. Because that is what our lives should be about. We must put Allah not only first but in our whole life. The true Muslim is the one who loves Allah first, then our Beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, before anyone else.

Question:

Assalamu alaykum, Dear counselors, I want your help in arranging my life a little bit: I am 19 years old, living in italy, orginally from egypt, study medicine, have weight problems (i am overweightes) … my life is now very boring, I waste my time in nonsenses (listening to music,talking to girls) and now I would like to change my life … be succesful in university, make a diet, become more religious, be wise, not childish,etc. but i don´t know how to arrange my life, how to planj it, what is important in this part of my life, how to built my personality well, etc. give me pleaase some tips

Answer:

Asalaam u alaikum

Thank you for writing and for trusting us to help you. I commend you on being honest and for recognizing that there is a problem I the way you are living. Most people in your stage do not even realize what they are doing to themselves.

To help you I would advise you to first make a commitment to yourself. You must be committed on changing your life. This can no tbe just a phase or a moment of change and then youwill goback to the way you were. This will not be easy, it will take a lot of willpower and it will feel very hard in the beginning.

You are studying medicine which is requires the most discipline as it is a very difficult subject. But the reward is great. Just think you will be in a profession which is unlike any other in this world. Any where you go in this world you will be able to use your knowledge and skills to help others.

Right now you need to make a plan. You need to write down what it is you would like to change and what you would like to accomplish.

As for dieting, this is also something that requires a strong willpower and total change in eating habits and lifestyle. I would advise you to talk to a physician to help you figure out how much you need to lose and what kind of diet is right for you. Exercise is very important. It will make you feel fresh and also help you lose weight. Figure out what kind of activity do you enjoy. Walking, running, or playing a specific game or sport.

The most important advice I can give you is to start praying. Prayer helps one to regulate one’s schedule. Also it helps you think more about the importance of your life. And start reading Quran with tafseer. Join the Muslim Students Association in your university if there is one, and become active in the activities they perform. Having friends is not bad but having the right kind of friends is the most important. You need to have people who will help you and who will help keep you on the right track.

Above all pray to Allah and put your trust in Allah. If you become determined, work hard and put your trust in Allah you will Inshallah be successful.

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