How a Trump caliphate might operate

*The Muslim Observer

  • 17Aug
    2016
  • Religion News Service

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How a Trump caliphate might operate

14421324712_028de27e50_zBy Wajahat Ali, RNS correspondant

(RNS) After listening to Donald Trump’s speech outlining his “national security” policies, it’s obvious I must vote for Hillary Clinton to thwart a potential authoritarian Trump caliphate.

Let’s use our imagination and create our own adventure that would inevitably result from Trump’s winning the election:

The year is 2017.

Newly elected President Trump invites select journalists to Trump Tower, “The White House for Winners” according to his latest tweet. He will announce his administration’s bold, new initiatives. A bald eagle perches patriotically on his shoulder and a gold-plated pin of his own face adorns his stars-and-stripes (though made in China) Donald J. Trump suit. The commander in chief of the most powerful country on Earth is keeping his promise to make America great again.

Speaking to Daily Stormer editor Andrew Anglin, President Trump introduces Executive Order 351933, prescribing Edison, N.J., as a “military zone” that will detain “radical” American Muslims. Citing the ongoing war on terror as justification, President Trump assures the public this is a “temporary” detention, much like his temporary ban of 1.6 billion Muslims from entering the country. This order will last until all Muslims undergo “extreme vetting” to ensure they are not national security threats.

To that end, Transportation Security Administration agents have been ordered to rub Muslim-y types with bacon grease at customs to see if they react suspiciously. Law enforcement officials can stop and frisk individuals and do circumcision inspection tests. Recent immigrants will be forced to read Trump’s “Art of the Deal,” and their reaction shall be gauged to see if they have “hostile attitudes” against him, and therefore, against America. Trump will also increase border patrol and national security staff by bringing on “Second Amendment people” to ensure America remains vigilant against domestic and foreign threats.

President Trump assures the “PC police” that he listened to all of their whining about profiling and civil liberties and thus decided to create a new position, Diversity Coordinator and Outreach to Minority Communities. It will be held by former Klan leader David Duke.

Duke assures concerned citizens that only Muslims who practice Shariah, believe in Allah and/or follow the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad will be detained. The “moderates” will be left untouched. Duke also says the administration is “equal opportunity” and not biased regarding Muslims. Jews, especially those critical of Melania Trump, will also be joining Muslims in the camps.

“They’ll compare me to FDR and name highways after me,” responds President Trump.

In order to make America safe (again), President Trump announces that he is borrowing money from his campaign chair, Paul Manafort, who received it from their mutual friend Vladimir to build a wall around America. The labor will be supplied by undocumented immigrants, who will be rounded up and given a choice to either build or be immediately deported.

To win over women, President Trump says he will fire all male interns in the White House and replace them with beauty pageant contestants. In fact, he will host and produce a “Miss USA Intern” show, bringing back the swimsuit content, with audience members voting for the winners. President Trump has offered to personally hand-pick the female anchor replacement for Gretchen Carlson. He promises she will be a 10.

President Trump ends his interview by saying “All Lives Matter,” asserting his commitment to unifying the country and trying to win over black voters as requested by the Republican Party.

This terrifying Twilight Zone episode is absurd but probably isn’t that far-fetched. (If you don’t believe me, just observe the 2016 elections.) A Trump-esque presidency, based on his own words, proposed policies and dangerous associations, would probably result in me, my Muslim family and friends ending up in camps.

For those willing to vote for Trump instead of Clinton, come visit me, please. Please bring mango lassi and kunafah and tell me what happens in the final seasons of “Game of Thrones.” Pray that we have free Wi-Fi.

(Wajahat Ali is the author of the play “The Domestic Crusaders” and creative director of Affinis Labs, a hub for social entrepreneurship and innovation)

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